When I first signed my kids up for ABA, I thought I was doing what every good parent was supposed to do. The evaluations, the assessments, the long hours, it all sounded official and evidence-based. I trusted the system.
What I didn’t realize was how much of ABA is built on compliance, not understanding. My kids were praised for sitting still, making eye contact, and using “expected” behaviors, but no one was asking how they felt doing it.
I wish I knew that repeating a skill doesn’t mean a child truly understands it. I wish I knew that following directions doesn’t equal growth. And I wish someone had told me that therapy should never make a child anxious about being themselves.
If I could go back, I would ask one simple question before starting: Will this help my child feel more like themselves, or less?
Because that’s what really matters.
