I did not notice the shift at first. We were tired and said yes to help. Hours filled our week. I kept telling myself this was support. Then one afternoon at the clinic, the lights hummed, my child covered their ears, and started to cry. The tech turned away and said it was planned ignoring. I reached to hold my child and was told comfort would reinforce crying. Something in me snapped. I picked up my child and walked out.
Progress that costs your child’s trust is not progress.
A doctor had pushed ABA on day one. Insurance approved it within days. OT and speech were “pending” with caps and waitlists. I thought fast approval meant best care. It meant easiest to bill. We got more drills and bigger data sheets. We did not get a calmer home.
The more I watched, the more it felt backwards. Behavior targets came first. Regulation and communication came later, if there was time. My kids looked compliant in sessions. At home they were wiped out. They stopped joining play they loved. They needed safety, not more trials.
If your child has trouble staying focused in therapy, that is information. Ask for movement breaks, sensory tools, and flexible seating. If your child scripts or uses AAC, they deserve support for that, not pressure to perform on cue. If stimming helps your child settle, it is a signal to understand, not a habit to erase.
Here is what helped us after that breaking point:
- Pause the long hours. Run a short trial of any therapy and track sleep, recovery time, and willingness to join.
- Ask to observe. Watch how distress is handled. Comfort should not be withheld. Breaks should be real.
- Request OT and speech evaluations in writing. Ask for goals tied to daily life, not just clinic tasks.
- Consider feeding therapy if meals are stressful. Pressure rarely builds trust with food.
- Set non negotiables. Consent, regulation, and communication come before any skill.
Our insurer kept saying yes to ABA. OT and speech took letters, appeals, and time. We pushed anyway. An OT mapped sensory needs and daily routines. A speech therapist built functional communication that worked in our kitchen. We saw fewer meltdowns and more spontaneous language. Life felt gentler, not louder.
It can feel overwhelming to push back. You are not alone. Your gut is data. If a plan makes your child mask, melt, or withdraw, pause. Ask for supports that fit your child’s body and voice. Therapy should feel like care, not control. Choose the path that protects trust and helps your child feel safe enough to learn.
